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If you want to learn how to have multiple orgasms: Who could blame you? Coming doesn’t have to be at the center of all your sexual encounters—you don’t have to reach orgasm even once to have great sex. But if you’re interested: Going for two (or a few!) in a row can feel amazing, and you should try it. While there’s no universal way to guarantee multiple orgasms, experts have tips about different ways to make it happen. Read on for some of the best strategies to help you get there the next time you’re ready for round two (or three or four). Bonus: These are all good methods for cranking up your sexual pleasure, no matter how many times you come.
What exactly are we talking about when we say “multiple orgasms”?
Pretty much what it sounds like: Having successive orgasms during a single sexual encounter, regardless of whether the number of orgasms you’re having is two or a few more. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re orgasming over and over without a break during a given sexual activity. Different people respond differently to sexual stimulation, including in the type of orgasm (intense, or milder) and the frequency and number of orgasms they have.
You might have a few smaller orgasms in a row that end with a powerful climax, especially if you’re edging, which means intentionally putting an orgasm off. Or you could have multiple big orgasms without much time in between them. (Any of the experiences above might even involve squirting at any stage throughout, depending on your body—and that response doesn’t necessarily mean you’re done.)
Can everyone with a vagina have multiple orgasms?
If you have a vagina, your clitoris is likely able to help you have multiple orgasms. That’s because your refractory periods—the time your body takes to rest after an orgasm, when you’re unresponsive (or prohibitively sensitive to) stimulation—are typically much shorter than those of penis-having people, if you have them at all.
If you can typically orgasm the first time with no problem (though not everyone can), there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to have an encore. But don’t feel discouraged if you give it a shot and can’t orgasm again right away. “Many [people with vaginas] have the potential to be multi-orgasmic, but there can be roadblocks,” Michael L. Krychman, MD, a board-certified ob-gyn and medical director of women’s health services at MemorialCare Saddleback Medical Center, tells SELF. Here’s how to find your way around them and enjoy the multiple orgasm lifestyle.
1. Figure out how to reliably orgasm once.
If you’re wondering about how to have a few orgasms in a row, we’re guessing you probably have this under control, but just in case: Focus on orgasm number one before planning for the reprise.
If this is challenging for you, you’re not alone: Plenty of people with vaginas have trouble orgasming. There’s even a medical term for it: anorgasmia. A ton of factors can impact your ability to orgasm, like your mental health (e.g., if you’re dealing with stress or poor body image), taking certain medications, or struggling to communicate or connect with your partner. If you think something external might be behind your difficulties getting off, you might want to talk to a health care provider, like an ob-gyn, a primary care doctor, or, if it’s relevant, a therapist about what’s going on.
If you think it’s just that it takes you a minute to get in the zone, or you’re not sure what to focus on that might feel amazing: Try a little foreplay to relax, even if you’re by yourself, to make sure you’re in the right headspace. And in terms of actual sex acts to try: Don’t neglect your clit. Most people with vaginas benefit from at least some clitoral stimulation in order to get off. If you need some ideas, check out these anecdotes from people with vaginas about their favorite ways to orgasm.
2. Try different kinds of stimulation.
After your first orgasm, it all comes down to experimentation. If your clitoris is so sensitive that you can’t bear to touch it, loop in the rest of your body. “Try different kinds of stimulation,” says Dr. Krychman. Maybe that’s playing with your breasts, receiving gentle oral sex on your labia, or having your partner kiss you everywhere except your clitoris. You might also want to try sensation play, a.k.a. stimulating all your senses, such as using a blindfold to play with sight or working in pleasurable pain. No matter what feels best for you, the point is to continue feeling turned on. Feel free to check back in with your clitoris when you think the sensitivity has abated.
3. Or take advantage of sensitivity.
On the other hand, sometimes working with a sensitive clitoris can actually be the ticket. Some people find that overstimulation can lead to an unexpected additional orgasm—and even if it doesn’t, you might still find it enjoyable in a hurts-so-good way. It’s all about what you can handle. If you’re into the feeling of oversensitivity, go for it. But if something hurts, don’t keep going just for the sake of multiple orgasms.
4. Use more lube.
Whatever you’re doing—whether it’s oral sex, fingering, penetration, getting off with a sex toy, or a blessed combination—it’ll feel better if you’re adding slipperiness throughout with lube. The idea is reducing friction, which can potentially cause you to feel overstimulated (especially near the very sensitive clitoris), and therefore knock you off the path to coming as many times as you want to.
If you’re not sure what type of lubricant to use: Look for one that’s water-based, as a rule of thumb. This kind usually won’t potentially degrade the materials of toys, like silicone lubes can, or condoms, like oil-based kinds might. In general, water-based lube is an MVP of nightstand drawers—and coming again and again. Apply it liberally and often to help you potentially stay in the game for a longer time and get to #2 (or however many you’re going for).
5. Don’t force it.
Remember those roadblocks Dr. Krychman mentioned? Many of them can be mental, like if you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Trying to have multiple orgasms because you feel like you have to for some reason can be a way to guarantee it won’t happen. “A watched pot never boils,” says Dr. Krychman. “Focus on the journey.”
Sometimes, setting out with the goal of multiple orgasms in mind is not the way to go. Experts often recommend taking the focus off of orgasms in order to have orgasms, in general—so where multiple orgasms are concerned, try setting out to have a great time with your partner, or while you’re masturbating, that’s longer than usual. Maybe it will include multiple orgasms, maybe it won’t. The point is to not get in your head about it.
6. Engage your pelvic floor muscles.
Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles with Kegel exercises might also help with your orgasmic quest, since those muscles can impact how an orgasm feels and other aspects of your sexual health.
Identifying the right muscles is key, since many people don’t actually know how to engage their pelvic floor. As SELF previously reported, you can stop your urination mid-stream while you’re peeing to figure it out—the muscle you use to do that is the one you’ll be working. Here’s a full guide to how to do Kegel exercises, including info about how they can help you feel more in key with your body (and, ideally, have more control over your orgasms).
7. Use your breathing to help you relax.
Throughout the entire experience, make sure to breathe. Some people unconsciously default to holding their breath, or gasping, during sex, but concentrating on slow, steady inhalations and exhalations can help you stay connected to and present in your body.
Mindfulness can benefit many aspects of your sex life, whether you’re going for multiple orgasms or zero. Since your mind and body are so connected, anxiety and stress can get in the way of your ability to orgasm (or even just feel good in bed). Deep, mindful breath can get you out of your head and help you stay in the moment—and, potentially, loosen up enough to come again and again, once you’re focused only on feeling good.
8. Bring in a sex toy.
Using a sex toy is an excellent way to dial up your pleasure, especially if clitoral stimulation is your intense-orgasm MVP. And you certainly wouldn’t be the first person to find it easier to orgasm with a clitoral vibrator than with your hand or a partner—which can be a very useful trick to have in your back pocket if you’re trying for multiples. If you’re not experimenting with this solo, toys can also give an assist to your partner, who might need to switch up how they stimulate you as much as you need to switch up how you’re receiving pleasure.
Check out these sex toys for couples if you’re with someone else—and here’s a guide to how to use a vibrator if you’re a true newcomer. Also…anecdotally, the Magic Wand has a long history of making orgasming a lot easier, thanks to its powerful vibrations. You can learn more here.
9. Give new positions a shot.
There is no one position magically guaranteed to unlock multiple orgasms, but moving between different sex positions is a solid technique to try—you might come across something that just hits as you experiment. Positions that provide easy access to the clit, or that lead to indirect clitoral stimulation, are good places to start—these include straddling and riding your partner, getting penetrated while you’re in a tabletop position on your hands and knees, and wrapping your legs around your partner while seated on a dresser or countertop.
If you think G-spot stimulation might be where it’s at for you, try positions that allow for deep penetration, like lying on your side with your partner entering behind you, or doggy-style. And plain old fingering allows for a targeted come-hither motion that can hit the spot too.
10. Adjust as you go to make sure you’re physically comfortable.
Part of surrendering to pleasure is first feeling good in your body, generally speaking: It’s difficult to come even once if your back is killing you or you’re wondering if that little popping sound in your knee means something bad. You don’t have to hang from the ceiling, grind deeply on somebody for ages, or get otherwise super freaky-deaky or athletic in terms of your position to come with abandon.
Sex can take a lot of energy and physical exertion, especially if you’re in it for the long haul. If you’ve been going for a while, you might want to take breaks or readjust in order to avoid cramps, aches, and pains. Check in with yourself as you go to take any potential stressors off of your body—this will do wonders to help you zero in on the amazing-feeling sensations in play, rather than the crick in your neck. And no matter how much time you’re spending in bed: If you need to put a pillow under your pelvis or to take some strain off of your back by lying down, do that! It’ll free up your mind and bod to focus on your next orgasm.
11. Do it yourself.
You might consider masturbation and partnered sex two completely separate sexual experiences, but why not combine the two? Pleasuring yourself with a partner or for a partner might be exactly what it takes to keep the orgasms rolling. You know your body best—and it can be really sexy to demonstrate what you like to someone else too.
12. Have fun on the journey, regardless of the destination.
Seriously, don’t force yourself to chase multiple orgasms if trying to make it happen is taking away from how much you’re enjoying sex. Don’t be afraid to call it and try again another day if it’s not happening. After all, it can take some practice! Luckily, this is just about the most enjoyable type of practice there is. Whether or not you have multiple orgasms, you can definitely have a great time.
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